Dark Halls

Credit: Richard Baxter

I am so lost.  Weeping inside the dark is all I have anymore.  So much has come and gone and all that is left is the rubble in my heart, the shattered pictures of my past cloud and overtake the halls of my mind.  Nothing is the same anymore.

I have looked for the light that burst through the darkness.  The light that holds together the days and pushes away the long devastating nights of hell.  I have looked inside my soul for a piece of something that used to be there, something that was good but have long since seen.

How many more times do I have to see the devastation of the past come forward and ruin what I have worked so hard to build?  Those moments in time that shatter a person are so strong that they echo forever on into the wild future, a future uncertain and as dark as the past.

How do I wake up?  How do I move out of its clutches and into the light?  How do I become what I was destined to be instead of this torn apart and molded piece of broken flesh and bone with nothing left to offer?

I am so lost.  The shattered halls of my life have nothing left for me; they are ruins, dark, ugly and dangerous.  They are death.

Beautiful

It is whispered into my ear soft and subtle, almost unheard.

Precious

What is this I keep hearing?  It is a foreign voice one not heard in ages.  One that was once trusted but now is barely remembered.

My Treasure

I am truly broken, I know that voice and have been avoiding it for so long I forgot how deeply affecting it can be.  The light… My heart is overwhelmed with the love that flows through those words.  How do I reconcile what He is saying and what I know about me, my life; my shattered, tattered life?

You are mine and I love you.  I knew you before you were born, I created you; knit you together and breathed life into you. I love everything about you.  I want your broken pieces.  I want your weeping heart, your shattered tears.  I want you.  I have given you a new home, one built on the Rock, one built to last, one more beautiful than anything you lost.  Come… Let me wipe away your tears and pick up the pieces. 

It all melts away, all that I have been seeing, hearing and feeling for so many years; the darkness.  The peace is overwhelming.  It is intoxicating.  Do I follow?  Oh I want to so much so I feel it overwhelming my soul.  What about the dark halls?  They are so familiar?  He beckons me…

Come…

The above was written for Free Write Friday from the image prompt  above using what is called stream of consciousness writing, no editing, no proofing just writing!

Post your submission with a comment and link to your blog on Kellie’s blog, post on twitter with the hashtag #FWF, Facebook and join the fun!

 

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Freedom

Freedom

Definition:   Independence, license to do what one wants.

Is that really freedom?  License to do what one wants?  I don’t know.

I know I can do whatever I want, but sometimes doing what I want makes me miserable.  Lets take eating, if I overeat, I get a stomach ache, I get overweight, unhealthy… but boy did I want to have that extra piece of garlic bread!  I had freedom, but what it got me was a stomach ache and potentially becoming a slave to my stomach.

Slave… interesting word.  Can one persons freedom enslave someone else?  Lets look at child abuse.  My daughter has the freedom to live a life where she is loved, protected and nurtured.  And she does.  She has rights to her own body and no one better cross that line and take away her right to freedom from abuse.  Many are not so lucky though.  They live a life of abuse that no one seems to care about, or one that no one even knows about.

One could even say that the person abusing that child has the “freedom” to do so.  Everyone’s idea of abuse is different.  While mine may be this… “Anyone who violates a child’s body, mind or spirit with either physical, mental, spiritual or sexual abuse has violated that child’s freedom to live a life of safety and freedom from abuse.”  But I have heard it clearly said by many who in my opinion are just pure evil that children should be called lucky to have someone touch them in the way that they do.  Abuse, like all things is in the eye of the beholder.  And some eyes are much more evil than others.

When I think about FREEDOM it also makes me think about things I have lived through and about how I used to beg God to free me from those things.  I used to pray at night for God to stop my dad from drinking… from doing drugs… from raging with violence… from pointing guns and shouting and screaming.  I used to think all those prayers went unheard.  I mean, where was God, why didn’t HE save me?

But when one looks in the Word of God they see that clearly we have all been given the freedom of choice… I am allowed to live differently than my family before me… or the same.  Sadly many make the same choice their families have made for generations.  For me, I choose differently… I choose God’s way.

Where was God when I was filled with fear daily?  Why didn’t he stop my dad?  My dad was stopped.  He could have killed me on many occasions but just like Job, God allowed me to be put through fire for a purpose but the enemy was not allowed to take my life.  My dad was given the choice to be what his flesh wanted or to be what God wanted.  He chose his flesh… I was the receiver of that choice, but I was also protected!  My dad finally stopped drinking in the years before his death and our relationship was good, because God is good.  There was restoration.

Where was God when I was filled with fear?  Holding me tight, pulling me close, whispering in my ear that He has me… He is holding me… He is protecting me… He wont let go.  For me, God is my freedom.  Nothing else matters or even comes close.  There will be more bad things that happen in my life, it is guaranteed.  But God is my freedom to live through it no matter what happens, knowing that He will not let a hair on my head be touched unless it is for the best.  Living through what God let me live through has given me a perspective not many have and it has given me a love for hurting not many have.  That is a blessing.

There are many out there suffering by the hands of others, child abuse is an epidemic, and slavery is growing in such leaps and bounds that it cannot be controlled in even the most humane areas like the U.S.  I pray each day that His freedom reaches those suffering, and for those causing the pain, I pray also for Gods salvation and if not that, then His wrath because only He knows our hearts deep down inside.

Please take the time to get involved in others lives, notice who is hurting, purpose to help them.  That is true Freedom.

This was written from a prompt from Free Write Friday.  The topic was “What does freedom mean to you?”  To join the writing prompt click the button below and it will take you to Free Write Friday’s page.

Also click the link or button and read all about this weeks topic, Human Trafficking.   Open your eyes.. Please help.

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